I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
