Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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