How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
