He disabled his match.com account in front of me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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