please come you make the beer taste better
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm like, not good at living.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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