Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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