woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
