Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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