We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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