btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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