Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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