tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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