so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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