spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
