I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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