I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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