Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
