Is it normal to miss your booty call?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
