u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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