Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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