So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
