How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
smell my finger.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
