He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
