normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
