you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My bed smells like the plague
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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