I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
