somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
