You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
