It's Friday. Sex?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
