dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it because I queefed?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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