Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
