I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
People with herpes should wear stickers.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
