Sponge bath it is.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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