do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
