I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
