How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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