dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
