If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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