This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
