i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
