If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
