So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
