with your own penis?
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
