he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
