I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
