well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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