I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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