Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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