The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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