This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
