I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
