I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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