well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
