I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
