I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
