I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize