Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
