What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
