have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
