my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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