Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
