Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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