i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
