She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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