she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
