My Higher Power is John Stamos
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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