Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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