Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
