Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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